Holding on Forever
by Alice Inamorata
Summary: Inspired by 'Total Eclipse of the Heart.' Rachel has had enough of Quinn's games with her heart, so finally, she stands up for herself. In front of the whole school. Faberry - don't like, don't read.


**Authors Note: Posted this a while back on my LiveJournal page and forgot to post it here. This is inspired by lifes twists and turns, as well as 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' sung by Lea Michele ft. Johnathan Groff. Please enjoy my fellow angels. **

She had become tired of it; tired of the hurt, the tears that soaked through her pillow each night as she somberly thought of the past. All those memories had become distant now; fading away into the midnight sky that she looked at every night. She could barely sleep. And when she did, she dreamt of the blonde-haired, hazel-eyes beauty that walked past her every day. It was almost as if she was invisible to Quinn; as if she didn't even exist. Rachel Berry didn't take to just anyone; she rarely let her guard down, and when she did, she let it fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces. Now, that guard was built back up, ten times thicker, ten times higher. She wouldn't dare to let it go back down once more, because it meant that she still loved her.

The summer was fading away into the past six months - clouding together into one big mess. The smell of Quinn's salt-water soaked locks beside her face; her soft skin draping over her tanned skin. All of it seemed foreign, yet so new as it came to her in clusters during the night. Rachel could vividly remember the sound of Quinn's giggle as she held her close, brushing her pink lips against the pale collarbone, leaving tiny love bites. Quinn loved that, you know. She loved being near Rachel, feeling loved, feeling complete. They rarely had time to be together, since Rachel was being swept away during the midst of their loving to meet Finn - who had no such idea of the two women. They kept it a secret. They stayed together that whole summer, falling hopelessly in love until the school year came, and it all had to end.

"Quinn, this doesn't make sense. We can keep doing this." Rachel had pleaded, purple sheets covering her bare body. Quinn was dressing, pulling her tank top over her tousled hair.

"No we can't Rachel. I need my reputation back. I lost everything with...her...I need it back. And there's not a doubt in my mind that Coach Sylverster will give it back to me. I'll make sure of it."

That was it. From then on, Quinn was as distant as possible from Rachel, and the tiny diva was suffering. Every night as she laid beside Finn, watching a movie or cuddling in bed, she thought of Quinn. Every day she woke up, she desperately wanted the smell of Quinn's sweet smelling lotion. Though she never woke up to the blonde Cheerio, the brunette slept facing the side she faced on, her arm draped over a pillow she had purchased in place of her. It wasn't even close, and Quinn wasn't nearly as plush as the pillow, but the actress had a very good imagination, and some nights, she sometimes thought it was Quinn. During those times, she shot up in bed with a huge smile on her face, ready to throw her arms around her, but she only cried in desperation. Why her?

And the break up was only the beginning. Sure, everyone had said Rachel was a drama queen, and she owned up to that proudly, but the nights and mornings were the most difficult. She would talk to Quinn when she woke up and before she went to bed. It was a routine they had established when they didn't have plans that diverted them from one another. During the afternoons, Rachel spent her time doing anything and everything - even adding an hour onto her workout routine. (On the string dangling from the ceiling, the words written on the paper was 'Quinn Fabray.') She practiced her singing, went on long walks, practiced her ballet and cleaned. Her fathers were happy to come home to a cleaned house, but Rachel felt that inside she was still dirty.

When school began in the fall, Rachel attached herself to Finn in hope of making Quinn jealous. In retrospect, Quinn had developed feelings for a bleach blonde boy with oversized lips named Sam.

It had kicked Rachel directly in the gut, causing her to spit up her heart of glass - the glass shattered into a million of tiny pieces. In front of her very eyes, Rachel was watching Quinn fall madly in love with a guy that talked about nothing intellectual (Quinn enjoyed deep, intellectual conversations.) All he talked about was video games and football. Rachel wanted to slap him, slam his head into the ground, anything. She felt like she just wanted to scream at Quinn all the time. She was angry one moment, the next she wanted to throw her arms around the blonde, professing her love in front of the whole Glee Club. She never did either, because she saw that Quinn was happy...without her.

They held hands in the hallway, Quinn and Sam. She had even seen Quinn strutting away with Sam's ring around her finger. Rachel threw up in her mouth - it was sickening. Here she was, dressing her best, getting rid of the 'stupid' sweaters with animals on them, and wearing nice clothes that Quinn saw her in over the summer. Once or twice, she had noticed Quinn's hazel eyes on her, and she had turned and smiled gently. There was no more contact other than that.

And tonight, it had gotten to be too much. Rachel was lying in bed alone, overtired from not sleeping for two days due to exams. She tossed and turned. The brunette reflected, remembering how fast the love of her life had walked out of her life. How Rachel had once been a part of her life, and now she was shoved into the back of her mind. How every night she fell apart, how she wanted her beside her each night - but she never came. It killed her, knowing that Sam was making her happy when Rachel could be making her ten times happier. She could make her happy forever if Quinn would let her, but her reputation was too near and dear to her heart.

The following morning, Rachel strutted into school, her bag over her shoulder. Quinn was at her locker, wearing her Cheerio uniform - her hair done up in a ponytail. Taking a deep breath, she stormed over, slamming Quinn's locker shut. Quinn glared at Rachel, staring her down with those hazel eyes. "What do you want manhands?"

"You know what I want." Rachel said, just as forceful as she had practiced. (Ten times in the mirror.) "I hate how you've just left me behind, Quinn. After everything we've shared, the laughs and the smiles, I would have thought that perhaps you and I would have some kind of contact with one another the following school year. But it's sad to see that you don't give one ounce of sympathy for me as I cry myself to sleep every night."

Quinn was looking around, startled by the fire in Rachel's eyes. People were staring, obviously eavesdropping. "Rachel, could we do this in private?"

"No, we can't Quinn. Because you don't give a damn about me. You don't give a damn about how I feel, what I think, what I want to do. All you care about is yourself. I would have thought that maybe, just maybe, you would speak to me. You're acting like I'm a foreign object to you! I hate it Quinn, because I know you care about me. I know you do, but all you care about is your reputation. So, I decided that once you're older and more mature, and when I'm a huge success on Broadway, I'll be waiting for you. I'll hold onto the love that we've shared for the rest of my life, because I know what we share is real, whether you decide to realize it or not. I can make you happy, Quinn, happier than any other man or woman could make you. I'll treat you the way you're supposed to be treated, and we can have deep, intellectual conversations like we used to. But for now, we're a bunch of teenagers...in love. So once you're done pretending to be someone you're not, tell me."

Rachel turned on her heels, walking away calmly in the opposite direction. She didn't notice the single tear that ran down Quinn's cheek, and that her own eyes were bubbling with sadness. And yet she smiled, because she knew that if Quinn had one bit of emotion in her heart (which she does), she'd come back to Rachel with open arms.


End file.
